Couples get in trouble when there are communication breakdowns and when their expectations of one another are blocked by frustrations, unrealistic dreams and the disappointing curveballs of reality. Does traditional couples counseling make things better? Not always.
Instead of delving into and retelling the hurts and heartbreak, try the alternative of Solution Focused Brief Therapy––(Therapeutic Coaching) looking towards mutual purposes, new, common goals and shared, meaningful projects to rebuild broken or stale relationships. Whether your new, shared decision is to explore the world, or raise a family, move, or live in tune with nature doesn’t matter. Whatever, at the deepest level, both you and your partner are drawn to.
Taking that concrete, first step, a new activity, may not change how you feel overnight; but it may change how you behave together. That’s the beginning. Rather than past miseries, you begin to focus on something you both truly want, regardless of where the relationship lands.
Some couples never plan ahead, and still successfully live parallel lives, like toddlers each making their own castle in the sandbox. Vibrant but separate. Most do not and cannot. This is disappointing, unfulfilling, and not the childhood fantasies of what marriage should or might be.
Ascertaining and developing a common purpose and trajectory to pursue, with clear action steps, is equally and fundamentally as important to relationship problems as improved communication, kindness, forgiveness, honesty and tolerance.
Younger adults often think they simply made a bad decision, have chosen the wrong person. Older couples who have endured a listless life find that when the kids have gone, marriage has lost its purpose. When and if there is good health and financial freedom at that point, many consider divorce.
But, think again. The type of alternative Marital Therapy, offered here, approaches transformation from a different vantage point. Marriage therapy can heal relationships. especially when you both want to stay within the institution of marriage, and place significant value on your uniquely shared experiences and insights. Be willing to talk about new shared opportunities and behaviors. Find the courage to try.