• Blog
  • Home
  • Services/Approaches
    • Adolescents, Young Adults, & Young Professionals
    • Adults
    • Alternative & Expressive Therapies
    • Children
    • Coaching
    • Couples & Families
    • Talk Therapy
  • Your Concerns
  • About Allison
  • First Visit
  • Classes & Groups
  • Contact

allison@spitzerhealth.com
203-218-2200

Home Archives for Conflict Resolution

Marital Therapy. Reinventing Shared Meaning & Purpose

Posted on August 24, 2015 Written by Allison Spitzer Leave a Comment

Couples get in trouble when there are communication breakdowns and when their expectations of one another are blocked by frustrations, unrealistic dreams and the disappointing curveballs of reality. Does traditional couples counseling make things better? Not always.

Instead of delving into and retelling the hurts and heartbreak, try the alternative of Solution Focused Brief Therapy––(Therapeutic Coaching) looking towards mutual purposes, new, common goals and shared, meaningful projects to rebuild broken or stale relationships. Whether your new, shared decision is to explore the world, or raise a family, move, or live in tune with nature  doesn’t matter. Whatever, at the deepest level, both you and your partner are drawn to.

Taking that concrete,  first step, a new activity, may not change how you feel overnight; but it may change how you behave together. That’s the beginning. Rather than past miseries, you begin to focus on something you both truly want,  regardless of where the relationship lands. 

Some couples never plan ahead, and still successfully live parallel lives, like toddlers each making their own castle in the sandbox. Vibrant but separate. Most do not and cannot.  This is disappointing, unfulfilling, and not the childhood fantasies of what marriage should or might be.

Ascertaining and developing a common purpose and trajectory to pursue, with clear action steps, is equally and fundamentally as important to relationship problems as improved communication, kindness, forgiveness, honesty and tolerance.

Younger adults often think they simply made a bad decision, have chosen the wrong person. Older couples who have endured a listless life find that when the kids have gone, marriage has lost its purpose. When and if there is good health and financial freedom at that point, many consider divorce.

But, think again. The type of alternative Marital Therapy, offered here, approaches transformation from a different vantage point.  Marriage therapy can heal relationships. especially when you both want to stay within the institution of marriage, and place significant value on your uniquely shared experiences and insights.  Be willing to talk about new shared opportunities and behaviors. Find  the courage to try.

There’s everything to be gained.

Filed Under: Alternative Therapies, Communication Breakdowns, Conflict Resolution, Divorce, Family Conflicts, Marital Counseling, Marital Therapy, Relationship Problems, Therapeutic Coaching

Frustration: Is Anybody Listening? Does Anyone Care?

Posted on March 9, 2015 Written by Allison Spitzer Leave a Comment

Frustrated because you can’t “get a word in edgewise?”

Do people cut you off off mid-sentence, interrupt with glee, and  let you know they’ve got your issues (and you) all figured out? Worse, are you the one who does it when others are talking to you?

By nature as a child, I was. My mind raced, but with age, professional training and  mindfulness, I do listen actively now, hear first, and slow down beyond my instinct. You can too.

Professionally it’s clear how profoundly and well problems can be transformed by allowing a story simply to be told and felt deeply to an “active” listener, without my immediate input, interruption, or response. And I’ve benefitted from the same techniques with friends and family.

When you are angry and frustrated here are some options:

Say, “I need to finish this thought,”  or “Tell me what you think I am trying to say.”

When your teenager blusters, your husband hollers, and you’ve had enough, say, “Let me make sure I’ve got what you’re saying.” It will ratchet things down a notch. Diffuse the potential firestorm by taking this tiny “time out. “

The beauty of our deepest relationships is that we truly feel heard. Our friends, lovers, or neighbors may not have the solutions to our dilemma, but show they care by simply taking in what we say fully. They offer clarity before courses of action. They validate and diffuse tough decisions or conversations until we can think clearly.

Taking our reactions off the table until we’ve heard all that needs to be said isn’t disengaging, denying,  or losing! It’s creating possibility.

Filed Under: Adolescent Issues, Anger, Anxiety, Attention Deficit Disorder, Communication Breakdowns, Conflict Resolution, Family Breakdowns, Family Conflicts, Frustration, Marital Counseling, Relationship Problems, Rudeness, Therapeutic Coaching

Parents & Kids Still Stuck With Each Other

Posted on January 26, 2015 Written by Allison Spitzer Leave a Comment

http://www.periwinklehealth.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/Alison-Spitzer-America-Weekend.mp3

Recent radio interview with Allison Spitzer heard on America’s Network.

images-2

 

 

Filed Under: Adult Children Issues, Communication Breakdowns, Conflict Resolution, Depression, Hopelessness, Life Skills, Loneliness, Marital Counseling, Marital Therapy, Parenthood, Parenting Problems, Stress, Therapy, Transitions, Young Professionals

Helping Kids Before There’s “Real” Trouble

Posted on March 7, 2013 Written by Allison Spitzer Leave a Comment

ctpost-3613As schools and mental health providers struggle to improve identification and delivery of services to children and adolescents with mental health issues, let’s not overlook the vital role of preventative care available to families whose struggles are “normal,” whose children may not need psychiatric help but may need assistance dealing with issues life presents.

The article in Sunday’s Connecticut Post, (“How to identify, help kids with mental health disorders), does not address those with normal struggles — struggles that if left unaddressed might very well develop into something more debilitating.

The first-grader who is shy becomes the third-grader a bit lonely. By seventh grade, is he isolated, and by ninth, bullied? What happens in senior year? Is she cutting herself? Is he aggressive? Are there drugs, academic troubles, and risky behavior which might have been averted if families had reached out before there was “trouble”? For children, teens and families stressed by today’s social and environmental factors, those without “mental health disorders,” it can be all too short a jump to labels and “problems.”

As a life skills therapist and communications coach who deals with stress management, I urge parents who wonder about their children, “Is something wrong?” not to wait. Take action. Better to take a pre-emptive strike on the difficulties our kids bury, even if they don’t seem monumental at the time. Like the homeland security ad on TV, “If you see something, say something” — if you think something’s off with your child, there probably is. Check it out. Make it right before there’s a crisis, diagnosis, file, label or doctor needed. It’s not “making a mountain out of a molehill”; it’s preventing that mountain down the road from spewing lava.

Allison B. Spitzer

Read more: http://www.ctpost.com/news/article/Take-action-before-child-s-problems-worsen-4333854.php#ixzz2MuIHVT8f

Filed Under: ADD/ADHD, Adolescent Issues, Anger, Anxiety, Awkwardness, Back to School, Behavioral Problems, Bullies, Communication Breakdowns, Conflict Resolution, Coping Skills, Crying Spells, Defiance, Failure, Fears, Frustration, Hopelessness, Kids & School, Loneliness, Low Self Esteem, Motivation Problems, Parenthood, Parenting Problems, Peer Problems, Relationship Problems, Rudeness, Sadness, Social Problems, Stress, Stress Management, Teen Anxiety, Teen Troubles, Truancy, Underachievement

Services/Approaches

If you are having problems with ADD,  Stress, … Read More

Your Concerns

What specifically troubles you, your child, or … Read More

Contact Us

Call: 203-218-2200 203-261-7615 Email: allison@sp … Read More

Follow Us

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • LinkedIn
  • Testimonials
  • Support Groups, Resources, Classes

Copyright © 2021 Allison B. Spitzer, Periwinkle Health. All Rights Reserved.
Coaching Websites by MDT Design LLC