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Home Archives for Lack of Confidence

Modesty, Social Media, Math & Therapy

Posted on February 9, 2015 Written by Allison Spitzer 1 Comment

Can’t stand it when parents post a snap of their kids’ medals, trophies, report cards and awards? Neither can I. Do they also publicly boast about their children’s honesty, modesty, compassion, humor or kindness? These are the parents who teach their kids that “volunteering” will build a resume, not character.

In my house, we taught our son that it was rude to brag, and to keep the good news to only a few family members or close friends so as not to make anyone, ever, feel “less than.” We expected that he work hard, take pride in his accomplishments, but shouldn’t give either himself or us an inflated sense of importance. In doing this, we also taught that there are many things which are not generally rewarded that we truly value–persistence, self reliance, emotional literacy, and caring for others, for example.

Social media has created its own set of angst – producing neuroses. Alternative therapists like me treat this phenomenon. Kids can see the pictures of the parties they’re not invited to. When competitive or defensive parents feel compelled to share widely their children’s successes, they conversely send their young adults and children the dangerous message–to expect accolade, to “perform” tasks for the evaluation rather than the love of it, and to inflate everyone involved’s egos perhaps disproportionately. Then, when there’s nothing to “post,” who’s to blame and how’s everyone feeling about it? And, by the way,  how do those whose children, siblings or parents feel who haven’t reached this particular pinnacle?

Hello therapy.

hubrisIt’s all become a math game. How many “friends” do you have? How many “Likes” on your post? In some high schools, it’s not enough to have an “A” average. Schools are looking for the 104 averages–the better than great students. How exhausting.

My son has volunteered as an EMT for more than 13 years. He’s saved lives, delivered babies, held the hands of the dying, shown kindness to victims. He’s even gotten a plaque for it. I’ve never actually seen it; it will never be on Facebook, and I’m sure that no one at his office (the “real job”) knows about it.

Filed Under: Anxiety, Communication Breakdowns, Depression, Frustration, Lack of Confidence, Low Self Esteem, Poor Self Image, Rudeness, Self Esteem, Sibling Rivalry, Social Media Anxiety, Stress, Teen Anxiety, Therapeutic Coaching, Therapy, Underachievement

Channel Surfing, Red Ferraris, And A Tea Party

Posted on June 7, 2013 Written by Allison Spitzer Leave a Comment

What have they got to do with you?  The metaphor I use to describe the proud ownership of an ADD/ADHD brain takes the remote in hand. It’s as though our mind is channel surfing when we’d just rather be following one show. We push fast forward before we’ve had a chance to get the story. And we can’t help it. Recently, I heard another great metaphor–it’s as though our mind is a Ferrari…a great, loaded and powerful machine , but one that’s sold with only bicycle brakes. Yikes! All that speed and potential but, without the right controls? Disaster or an upgrade?

Upon receiving a new diagnosis of ADD, we rush to znom8j-e1370636015172navigate the the maze of options, providers and literature. While we naturally worry about the pitfalls, let’s also remember that the ADD brain is a gift! Supercharged! Pow! Able to see things holistically! A natural ability to synthesize information easily!  A talent for hyper focusing when it may truly be necessary!

There are clearly some challenges that accompany this particular brain wiring–BUT, there is also a powerful race car ready to roll. With the right brakes, imagine what it will do.

Keep the gifts in mind.

This recent article elaborates on it.

http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/9338.html

And the Tea Party? Amidst the therapeutic coaching, expressive arts activities and more, tomorrows’s opening session of the 4 part “Tween Time” (a social skills group for girls ages 10-12) series will include boy talk and a sterling silver tea party. There are only two spaces still open, so call ASAP to grab one.

tea set

 

 

Filed Under: ADD/ADHD, Adolescent Issues, Attention Deficit Disorder, Behavioral Problems, Lack of Confidence, Relationship Problems, Self Esteem, Teen Troubles, Therapeutic Coaching

ADDitude Article – Art Therapy and ADD

Posted on June 4, 2013 Written by Allison Spitzer Leave a Comment

Been working with the Expressive arts Therapy since 1974. 

Check out the article that appeared in today’s ADDitude Magazine.

http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/10114.html

I worked with Connecticut schools, creating artist in residence programs for 33 school districts over a twenty year period. As an administrator,  teacher trainer, and as a visiting artist myself, I repeatedly heard classroom teachers say, “Wow, that one (student) usually doesn’t (participate, cooperate, show leadership, succeed, follow directions) etc. etc. This is the first time I’ve seen it!”

ADDitude Magazine  isn’t just for kids!  Expressive arts can get  to the heart of things in a less analytic or sequential way. Resolutions pop up. Awareness blossoms. Feelings are released. Though many of us are “talkers,”  the expressive arts offers an alternative. For those of us that are, it stills our minds, quiets our tongues, and lets our deeper intuitions surface.

Some of the most common attributes of ADD–difficulty with focus, poor self esteem, and managing tasks –all seem to flow more easily during arts experiences. And, for folks that don’t need therapy per se, participatory arts experiences help the soul sing, the mind de-clutter, and recharge the spirit.

In fact, I just took up beading. Why not?   Oohh la la!……….

 

Filed Under: ADD/ADHD, Attention Deficit Disorder, Behavioral Problems, Coping Skills, Kids & School, Lack of Confidence, Learning Disabilities, Low Self Esteem, Therapeutic Coaching

‘Tween Talk: Program for Building Social Skills

Posted on May 31, 2013 Written by Allison Spitzer Leave a Comment

TWEEN TIME !
Social Skills Group for Girls 10-12 yrs.

A special opportunity for girls who find making and keeping friends challenging.Four (FUN) sessions — art, drama, games, and chat on topics ranging from Netiquette (social media etiquette) to boys.This program will help girls build self-esteem, stronger relationships, develop clearer communication skills, and identify and utilize appropriate behaviors with peers. 
Girls will have an active forum to discuss and practice relating to peers during relaxed and playful therapeutic arts based programming. 
Parent Group (Optional) : June 20, 7:00 p.m. — Handling Hypersensitivity in your ‘Tween

 Saturdays 10:00-11:15 a.m. June 8, 15, 22, 29
 15 Lake Avenue, Trumbull, CT 06611
Fees: $200 including optional parent night.

For more information or to register, call 203-218-2200, or e-mail allison@periwinklehealth.com
 

Filed Under: ADD/ADHD, Adolescent Issues, Awkwardness, Behavioral Problems, Immaturity, Lack of Confidence, Life Skills, Low Self Esteem, Peer Problems, Relationship Problems

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