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Home Archives for Loneliness

Love, Vulnerability, & Relationship Problems

Posted on February 2, 2015 Written by Allison Spitzer Leave a Comment

You’ve got shared history together. You love and you are loved. SO, why do you STILL feel lonely within a primary relationship with your spouse, family member, or friend?  Long-term feelings of isolation make us depressed, stressed, angry and empty.

“He/she just doesn’t communicate (feelings)!  She/he wants information from me but never says much in return.” I meet and coach families that know virtually nothing about each other’s inner hopes and heartbreaks, pasts and plans. We are all so swept up with life, it’s hard to make time for emotional intimacy.  Are we listening across the generations  to each others’ hurts and heartbeats, memories and dreams?

Psychologist Arthur Aron says “One key pattern (in) the development of a close relationship is sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personal self disclosure.” I agree.

If your husband never gives any details about his “bad day at work,”  or you avoid telling a close friend about your medical challenges, you and they lose important opportunities for intimacy.

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Simply being with a parent, best friend, cousin, or spouse, even when we’re engaged in meaningful, productive activity just isn’t enough. It’s natural to be instinctively protective or even ashamed of our weaknesses, fears and failures. Today though, I choose a different path. I am courageous. I’ve learned to draw closer by consciously baring and (selectively) sharing my “Achilles heels,” by starting conversations at a deeper level and asking questions which get to the heart of things.

I don’t expect immediate solutions or changes related to these moments,  just the benefits of love and loving.

 

Filed Under: Adult Children Issues, Anger, Anxiety, Awkwardness, Communication Breakdowns, Coping Skills, Crying Spells, Depression, Divorce, Family Breakdowns, Family Conflicts, Frustration, Grief, Hopelessness, Indifference, Introversion, Loneliness, Low Self Esteem, Marital Counseling, Marital Therapy, Sadness, Stress Management, Therapy, Transitions, Women's Issues

Parents & Kids Still Stuck With Each Other

Posted on January 26, 2015 Written by Allison Spitzer Leave a Comment

http://www.periwinklehealth.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/Alison-Spitzer-America-Weekend.mp3

Recent radio interview with Allison Spitzer heard on America’s Network.

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Filed Under: Adult Children Issues, Communication Breakdowns, Conflict Resolution, Depression, Hopelessness, Life Skills, Loneliness, Marital Counseling, Marital Therapy, Parenthood, Parenting Problems, Stress, Therapy, Transitions, Young Professionals

Helping Kids Before There’s “Real” Trouble

Posted on March 7, 2013 Written by Allison Spitzer Leave a Comment

ctpost-3613As schools and mental health providers struggle to improve identification and delivery of services to children and adolescents with mental health issues, let’s not overlook the vital role of preventative care available to families whose struggles are “normal,” whose children may not need psychiatric help but may need assistance dealing with issues life presents.

The article in Sunday’s Connecticut Post, (“How to identify, help kids with mental health disorders), does not address those with normal struggles — struggles that if left unaddressed might very well develop into something more debilitating.

The first-grader who is shy becomes the third-grader a bit lonely. By seventh grade, is he isolated, and by ninth, bullied? What happens in senior year? Is she cutting herself? Is he aggressive? Are there drugs, academic troubles, and risky behavior which might have been averted if families had reached out before there was “trouble”? For children, teens and families stressed by today’s social and environmental factors, those without “mental health disorders,” it can be all too short a jump to labels and “problems.”

As a life skills therapist and communications coach who deals with stress management, I urge parents who wonder about their children, “Is something wrong?” not to wait. Take action. Better to take a pre-emptive strike on the difficulties our kids bury, even if they don’t seem monumental at the time. Like the homeland security ad on TV, “If you see something, say something” — if you think something’s off with your child, there probably is. Check it out. Make it right before there’s a crisis, diagnosis, file, label or doctor needed. It’s not “making a mountain out of a molehill”; it’s preventing that mountain down the road from spewing lava.

Allison B. Spitzer

Read more: http://www.ctpost.com/news/article/Take-action-before-child-s-problems-worsen-4333854.php#ixzz2MuIHVT8f

Filed Under: ADD/ADHD, Adolescent Issues, Anger, Anxiety, Awkwardness, Back to School, Behavioral Problems, Bullies, Communication Breakdowns, Conflict Resolution, Coping Skills, Crying Spells, Defiance, Failure, Fears, Frustration, Hopelessness, Kids & School, Loneliness, Low Self Esteem, Motivation Problems, Parenthood, Parenting Problems, Peer Problems, Relationship Problems, Rudeness, Sadness, Social Problems, Stress, Stress Management, Teen Anxiety, Teen Troubles, Truancy, Underachievement

Stress Management: Bullies in the workplace and other mental health challenges

Posted on January 10, 2013 Written by Allison Spitzer Leave a Comment

The bullies, ADHD, depression, anxiety, and mental health issues of childhood often follow us right into adulthood and work. Here are some stress management tips (from a therapeutic coaching standpoint) for handling the jerk in the next cubicle, or our own ADD or anxiety on the job.

My article on this topic was just published in Hartford Business Journal and will interest employers, those of us who work with or employ difficult people, or who bring our own psychological troubles, family problems or chronic mental health challenges into the boardroom, classroom, lab, or cubicle.

Click the link below for the for the full story.

http://www.hartfordbusiness.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20130107/PRINTEDITION/301049983/0/PRINTEDITIONDATES

I’m eager to hear your comments.

Filed Under: Adult Children Issues, Bullies, Depression, Loneliness, Mental Health in the Job, Relationship Problems, Stress, Stress Management, Therapeutic Coaching

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