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Home Archives for Therapy

Hugs : Natural Anti-Depressants

Posted on October 8, 2015 Written by Allison Spitzer Leave a Comment

Research shows that a 20 second hug releases oxytocin, a natural hormone that creates feelings of  wellbeing. If depression, stress or anxiety are holding you down… hugging  longer can help your health!

20 seconds to calmer? At least for a bit….

20 seconds to happier? Even if just for a moment….

20 seconds to lower blood pressure? Better breathing…

20 seconds to better bonding? That’s all it takes? 20 seconds doesn’t cut into the day but can lift your spirits.

Not a “cure,” but one of many, natural boosts, like meditation, exercise, or socializing that can lift us out of the doldrums of daily life.

20 seconds– (a loooooong hug!)  can make all the difference. Why not?

Filed Under: Alternative Therapies, Coping Skills, Depression, Marital Counseling, Relationship Problems, Sadness, Stress, Stress Management, Therapy, Uncategorized Tagged With: depression, Stress, wellbeing

Parental Mental Health & School Performance

Posted on September 30, 2015 Written by Allison Spitzer Leave a Comment

images-4 (This Spitzer Health blog article also appeared 9/15 in The Easton Courier, Stratford Star,  Milford Mirror, Huntington Herald, & The Trumbull Times)

Our children know us deeply. The younger the child, the more he or she absorbs the stress, anger, or sadness we feel. When our home life and schedules are chaotic, overcrowded, or unpredictable, how can our middle schoolers believe that the routine of homework, reasonable bedtimes and other boundaries matter? If we “need a break,” are short tempered or passive-aggressive, but say “Oh, everything’s fine” to our teenagers, why would or should they share their deepest truths with us, or ask for guidance?

To serve as our child’s unconditional advocate, to provide a home that is a soothing, safe zone and retreat, and to encourage kids to do and be the best they can this year in school, there are many surprisingly simple and doable strategies.

Put on your own oxygen mask, as an individual, and as a couple if you are in a relationship. Clear out your own lingering issues — if not for yourself then for your children’s well-being. It’s tough for your child to focus on school challenges when his or her fundamental concern is really you. If you need help, face it and deal with it.

Next, be proactive and specific in talking with your kids and establishing a balanced, reliable and breathable home life. Before school starts, ask them directly whether they have concerns, what they look forward to — and what they need from you. Respond by letting them know what your hopes are for them, and your plans (expectations) to help things go smoothly.
Family meetings (I’m a huge fan!) should go beyond scheduling logistics. Everyone has the chance to air grievances, boast, make requests, and get equal air time, at least once a week, reliably. Mom or Dad runs the meeting; families are not democracies.

The world is a hot fudge sundae — delicious and brimming with goodness. Too much, though, and families grow ill. The pressure on performance, whether academic, musical, athletic or social, has simply made our families miserable, exhausted and hopeless.

Instead, focus on each person’s ability to do their best and be happy within the framework of a larger organism — the family unit. There are only so many hours to work, drive carpool and help with homework and only so much disposable income for leotards or cleats. The greater good of cooperation and mutual benefit for families, even when everyone gives up a bit, in the long term, is smarter.

Scheduled downtime, each week, adult private time (date nights), unstructured quality time with your kids develops bonds far more potent than cheering when a goal’s made, preceded by the yelling to finish homework, get in the uniform, get in the car, and bringing along a sibling who resents it. Passions matter. In all families, large and small, there has to be a realistic appraisal of the time and resources that can be given to each family member, including the adults.

Filed Under: Back to School, Kids & School, Parenthood, Parenting Problems, Stress Management, Therapy Tagged With: family meetings, Family Therapy, life Challenges, Middle School, parental mental health, Parenting, school problems, Stress Management

Does your Doctor “Get it?”

Posted on September 24, 2015 Written by Allison Spitzer Leave a Comment

IMG_2367-e1441822112985Often, clients who are stressed,  grieving, lonely, or anxious,  say “My doctor prescribed meds, doesn’t take me seriously, and recommended the usual shrinks  everybody knows.  So, I tried a few, who took my history, listened but didn’t say much of anything. He required me to come every week, but never CHEERED ME UP! Nothing changed.”  I hear this over and over from people frustrated by their previous experiences with therapy, their PCP’s or their children’s pediatricians. 

 So,  does your doctor “get it?” 

Thanks for the vote of confidence in my work in alternative therapy, creative approaches to stress management and wellbeing in this article recently published in the  TRUMBULL TIMES. 

Spitzer Health: Therapist focuses on positives, ‘feeling better tomorrow’
By Steve Coulter on September 22, 2015

Depression, ADHD, anxiety — Allison Spitzer sees these conditions as a tangled ball of yarn that needs to be slowly unraveled.

That’s what the Trumbull resident and therapist has been working towards through her business Spitzer Health, which provides solutions to individuals and families from Fairfield and New Haven, over the last four decades.

Spitzer, who has master’s and bachelor’s degrees from Northwestern, takes a holistic approach to the emotional well-being and authentic communication within families using an integrated approach some in the field label as cognitive behavioral therapy. With a background in human communications and expressive art therapy, Spitzer believes her work is more rooted in life skills coaching than anything else.

“I see a ton of kids who have no time to meander in conversation with their parents — it only happens in the car on the way to soccer practice, and that’s not enough,” she said. “What they need more of is unstructured downtime within the family — a period that’s relaxing, where there’s a transfer of value, hobbies, and interests from parents to kids.”

Of course, the starting point to this whole process is slowing life down. And Spitzer understands that’s the greatest challenge every family faces in the 21st Century.

“One thing I tell all my clients is to have a set time for a weekly family meeting where each member can have time to talk about what’s going in their life — I call it a weekly update,” said Spitzer, who served as a consultant to 33 Connecticut school districts beginning in 1978 teaching life skills and problem solving through creative activity.

“Most family conversations these days tend to deal with logistics — who’s driving where, what time is pickup — and that’s not very good,” she added. “The conversation needs to be, ‘How are you doing? Why are you feeling that way?’ Families need to enjoy time together, and enjoy talking to one another — not stress over logistical details.”

In order to resolve problems with kids, Spitzer firmly believes parents need to be proactive in their approach.

“A parent’s job is not to be a scheduler,” she said. “Families need to eat together — that’s more important than any after-school activity.”

If parents want to give their kids structure and discipline, Spitzer suggests scheduling time for a child to do a chore — with either their mom or dad.

“It’s of no use if they aren’t talking while doing it,” she said. “So a daughter cooking dinner with her mother or a son helping his dad in the yard or in the tool shed — they’re watching you, but there’s a conversation that’s going on that makes the experience truly interactive.”

Keeping things in motion

Spitzer was trained in analytical psychology, expressive arts, and somatic therapy with Dr. Leland H. Roloff, and interned at Park Forest Hospital in Illinois in dance therapy, so she’s a big believer in getting her clients to express themselves through a variety of artistic outlets.

“It’s a fantastic tool,” she said. “Arts can be used as a vehicle to get someone towards self-understanding and transformation.”

Spitzer began work in creative arts therapy in 1974, and later taught at Milton Academy, in Milton, Mass., and served as president of Bright Solutions Inc.

Whether it’s dancing, coloring or singing, she’s adamant that this approach can yield more successful results than traditional psychiatric practices.

And that’s because she leaves her clients completely in charge of the counseling they receive, while focusing on the positives that put them on a healthy trajectory.

“People want to solve a specific issues, but generally that’s not what happens,” she said. “What I like to ask them is, ‘Do you want to feel better tomorrow?’ and if the answer is yes, then here are some tools that can help you with that process…

“My clients are always walking away with homework — things to practice in between sessions,” she added.

Spitzer said sometimes her clients only need two to three sessions before results are seen, and they feel more comfortable within themselves to face whatever the future may hold.

“I don’t want to focus on the negative, because the goal is working toward something that’s positive,” she explained. “It’s remarkable to see people change their lives, and how quickly they can do it here.

“In traditional therapy, you’re on a once a week schedule where they review every part of your history,” she added. “When a client comes to my house, they’re totally in charge of frequency — how many times they come in, and when — and method.”

For example, with clients who suffer from ADD, Spitzer said traditional therapy focuses too much on the negative.

“They’re not able to see all the wonderful attributes,” she said.

“ADD is not a behavioral issue, it’s a management issue,” she explained. “You just have to educate the people who work with that person to understand the strengths and challenges of someone with that type of brain — they’re seeing things from all angles, constantly.”

Two types of clients

Spitzer Health sees two types of people, Spitzer said.

“It’s either people who have been through a dozen traditional therapists and nothing has worked for them, or it’s someone who’s never been to therapy before because they don’t want the stigma on it,” she said. “But because I don’t dwell on the negatives, people are always saying ‘I can’t believe how different this is; this is such a gentler approach’ and that’s because it is.”

Her home office, at 15 Lake Avenue, is decorated in colorful couches with plenty of bright lighting.

“It’s not your typical office,” she said. “I’m not sitting behind some desk and putting you on the clock, trying to shuffle clients in and out all day — this is a partnership and we’re having a conversation as equals.”

“The whole point of this is to de-stress, and that’s why there’s no clock,” she added. “I don’t schedule any sessions too tightly because I want to give people the time they need and deserve.”

She said the biggest challenge her business faces is the “alternative therapy” label that’s placed on it by physicians and social workers.

“They don’t understand that this has been around for years, and so doctors tend to shy away from it,” she said. “But I’ve been working with kids and families, and other clients, since 1975 and a lot of these people have been around the block with traditional therapists and haven’t gotten the help they need.”

Full spectrum

Spitzer doesn’t just serve kids. Periwinkle has several other niches, including adults in their early to mid 20s, moms in their 40s and 50s, and workers coming back from the city, who range in age from 30 to 65.

“I love having the whole spectrum, and seeing the whole picture,” she said.

That’s why she keeps her doors open from 7:15 a.m. to 7 p.m.

“I see a lot of people who work in the city so I try to accommodate them,” she said.

And then there’s the kids who have now grown up into adults.

“It’s a very stressful time — financial, social, family, marriage, first real job,” she said. “It’s a complicated time and I see a lot of twenty-somethings who just need to get it off their chests and talk about everything they’re facing.”

She gives her clients her home number so they have access to her at any time.

“It’s a safety net,” she said. “People use it all the time.”

Of course, the safety net is nice to have, but Spitzer knows it’s valuable to put a plan in place for her clients so they can achieve sustainable change over time.

“This isn’t some flash in the pan solution,” she said. “Life is going to keep throwing lessons at you so you need to be able to be prepared for and ready to understand.”

The therapist is acutely aware of the fact that history repeats itself, and she tries to urge clients to break away from repetitive patterns of the past.

“If you’re getting better, it shouldn’t be painful,” she said. “I want my clients to break patterns and begin to live more consciously through creating solutions for themselves when I’m not there — set boundaries, care deeply for their personal well-being, do things that make them feel better and positive about who they are…

“My first to whoever comes in is to have fun by asking, ‘What small thing can you do today?’” she added. “It could be as simple as taking a bubble bath or walking on the beach at dusk or calling a friend in California — as long as it puts them on a healthy trajectory towards simplifying their life.”

Remember that YOU are the consumer when you seek help for life’s problems, and just like when you buy clothes, if the outfit doesn’t “do much for you,” get another!

Filed Under: Alternative Therapies, Anxiety, Attention Deficit Disorder, Communication Breakdowns, Depression, Life Skills, Marital Counseling, Marital Therapy, Self Esteem, Stress, Stress Management, Therapeutic Coaching, Therapy, Uncategorized Tagged With: ADHD, Anxiety, Art therapy, Feeling better, holistic health, life skills coaching, Stress Management

Modesty, Social Media, Math & Therapy

Posted on February 9, 2015 Written by Allison Spitzer 1 Comment

Can’t stand it when parents post a snap of their kids’ medals, trophies, report cards and awards? Neither can I. Do they also publicly boast about their children’s honesty, modesty, compassion, humor or kindness? These are the parents who teach their kids that “volunteering” will build a resume, not character.

In my house, we taught our son that it was rude to brag, and to keep the good news to only a few family members or close friends so as not to make anyone, ever, feel “less than.” We expected that he work hard, take pride in his accomplishments, but shouldn’t give either himself or us an inflated sense of importance. In doing this, we also taught that there are many things which are not generally rewarded that we truly value–persistence, self reliance, emotional literacy, and caring for others, for example.

Social media has created its own set of angst – producing neuroses. Alternative therapists like me treat this phenomenon. Kids can see the pictures of the parties they’re not invited to. When competitive or defensive parents feel compelled to share widely their children’s successes, they conversely send their young adults and children the dangerous message–to expect accolade, to “perform” tasks for the evaluation rather than the love of it, and to inflate everyone involved’s egos perhaps disproportionately. Then, when there’s nothing to “post,” who’s to blame and how’s everyone feeling about it? And, by the way,  how do those whose children, siblings or parents feel who haven’t reached this particular pinnacle?

Hello therapy.

hubrisIt’s all become a math game. How many “friends” do you have? How many “Likes” on your post? In some high schools, it’s not enough to have an “A” average. Schools are looking for the 104 averages–the better than great students. How exhausting.

My son has volunteered as an EMT for more than 13 years. He’s saved lives, delivered babies, held the hands of the dying, shown kindness to victims. He’s even gotten a plaque for it. I’ve never actually seen it; it will never be on Facebook, and I’m sure that no one at his office (the “real job”) knows about it.

Filed Under: Anxiety, Communication Breakdowns, Depression, Frustration, Lack of Confidence, Low Self Esteem, Poor Self Image, Rudeness, Self Esteem, Sibling Rivalry, Social Media Anxiety, Stress, Teen Anxiety, Therapeutic Coaching, Therapy, Underachievement

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