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Home Archives for Relationship Problems

WCBS NY Radio, Allison Spitzer of Spitzer Health Comments on Greenwich School Debate 6/14/1

Posted on June 16, 2016 Written by Allison Spitzer Leave a Comment

https://www.spitzerhealth.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/FED2F715-60A4-4F51-84F9-AA72EE173F04.mp3

Do teens really need to “sleep in?” Though the Greenwich , CT Public Schools think so, the issue should be much more than the daily school starting time.

What has wreaked havoc on our teenagers’  bodies and emotional well being creating stress, anxiety and depression is the overloading of extracurriculars, academic study, volunteer, fitness, and social demands placed on our kids by both parents and educators. Some want their numbers to look good (How many graduates went on to college? How many Ivies?) and parents who want their children to succeed beyond everyone’s comfort level.

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I say ENOUGH. Starting later is great but won’t have any effect unless we examine  the demands we make on teens to perform and produce like superstars.

In Fairfield County, CT, we’ve created the emotional and physical exhaustion high school students feel. If the evening’s pressures, and the endless texting and FB postings aren’t under control at midnight, it really doesn’t matter what time school starts in the morning. Everyone’s in trouble. We need to manage our  expectations of what we see as  reasonable for our children to accomplish and engage in. It may be less than we hope, less than what we believe they are capable of, or less than needed for the colleges families aspire to have their child attend.

images-2The good news, though, is our kids may be happier, have good memories of this time in their lives, and less conflict at home. They’ll also have to learn to self regulate their impulses, set better boundaries on what they take on and hence be better prepared for the independence of adulthood which lies just ahead. Just talk to the families of kids with serious emotional issues–stress, depression, anxiety, panic, self harm, or addiction. They’d give anything just to see their kid smile. The pressure just isn’t worth it. Sleep’s only a part of the picture.

Filed Under: ADD/ADHD, Adolescent Issues, Anxiety, Anxiety Treatment, Behavioral Problems, Coping Skills, Crying Spells, Depression, Depression Management, Depression Therapist, Exhaustion, Family Conflicts, Family Therapy, Frustration, Hopelessness, Kids & School, Life Skills, Moodiness, Motivation Problems, Parenting Problems, Relationship Problems, School Advocacy, Self Help, Stress, Stress Management, Teen Anxiety, Teen counseling, Teen Troubles, Therapeutic Coaching, Troubled Teens

Hugs : Natural Anti-Depressants

Posted on October 8, 2015 Written by Allison Spitzer Leave a Comment

Research shows that a 20 second hug releases oxytocin, a natural hormone that creates feelings of  wellbeing. If depression, stress or anxiety are holding you down… hugging  longer can help your health!

20 seconds to calmer? At least for a bit….

20 seconds to happier? Even if just for a moment….

20 seconds to lower blood pressure? Better breathing…

20 seconds to better bonding? That’s all it takes? 20 seconds doesn’t cut into the day but can lift your spirits.

Not a “cure,” but one of many, natural boosts, like meditation, exercise, or socializing that can lift us out of the doldrums of daily life.

20 seconds– (a loooooong hug!)  can make all the difference. Why not?

Filed Under: Alternative Therapies, Coping Skills, Depression, Marital Counseling, Relationship Problems, Sadness, Stress, Stress Management, Therapy, Uncategorized Tagged With: depression, Stress, wellbeing

Marital Therapy. Reinventing Shared Meaning & Purpose

Posted on August 24, 2015 Written by Allison Spitzer Leave a Comment

Couples get in trouble when there are communication breakdowns and when their expectations of one another are blocked by frustrations, unrealistic dreams and the disappointing curveballs of reality. Does traditional couples counseling make things better? Not always.

Instead of delving into and retelling the hurts and heartbreak, try the alternative of Solution Focused Brief Therapy––(Therapeutic Coaching) looking towards mutual purposes, new, common goals and shared, meaningful projects to rebuild broken or stale relationships. Whether your new, shared decision is to explore the world, or raise a family, move, or live in tune with nature  doesn’t matter. Whatever, at the deepest level, both you and your partner are drawn to.

Taking that concrete,  first step, a new activity, may not change how you feel overnight; but it may change how you behave together. That’s the beginning. Rather than past miseries, you begin to focus on something you both truly want,  regardless of where the relationship lands. 

Some couples never plan ahead, and still successfully live parallel lives, like toddlers each making their own castle in the sandbox. Vibrant but separate. Most do not and cannot.  This is disappointing, unfulfilling, and not the childhood fantasies of what marriage should or might be.

Ascertaining and developing a common purpose and trajectory to pursue, with clear action steps, is equally and fundamentally as important to relationship problems as improved communication, kindness, forgiveness, honesty and tolerance.

Younger adults often think they simply made a bad decision, have chosen the wrong person. Older couples who have endured a listless life find that when the kids have gone, marriage has lost its purpose. When and if there is good health and financial freedom at that point, many consider divorce.

But, think again. The type of alternative Marital Therapy, offered here, approaches transformation from a different vantage point.  Marriage therapy can heal relationships. especially when you both want to stay within the institution of marriage, and place significant value on your uniquely shared experiences and insights.  Be willing to talk about new shared opportunities and behaviors. Find  the courage to try.

There’s everything to be gained.

Filed Under: Alternative Therapies, Communication Breakdowns, Conflict Resolution, Divorce, Family Conflicts, Marital Counseling, Marital Therapy, Relationship Problems, Therapeutic Coaching

Getting Psyched

Posted on June 15, 2015 Written by Allison Spitzer Leave a Comment

So what’s stopping you? Allergies? Depression? The kids? Money?

Just look at this lady! She’s jumping for joy. Wouldn’t that just be great?! When did you outgrow blowing bubbles, watching the faces in the clouds, or setting your goals high, dreaming about them and moving towards them?

Last week I swam naked. Yup. I played with an adult  coloring book. I called some friends. I loved my work. I helped an old lady. I wore crazy bling. I cried with my husband. I giggled with a girlfriend. I started a house  project I’ve put off for a while. I went to a kids’ waterpark, got soaked in my clothes while hot grownups sat on the sidelines.

I only get one shot at happy.  One shot at fun. One shot at connection. One shot at my life–and I’m gonna grab it. Why not you?

Don’t give up!  My clients tell me they are “stuck,” or hopeless…..The “homework” I give is “FUN,” self soothing, a pass from the pressure to perform. And, it works.

Filed Under: Alternative Therapies, Depression, Hopelessness, Meditation, Motivation Problems, Relationship Problems, Self Help, Stress, Stress Management, Therapeutic Coaching

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