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Home Archives for Troubled Teens

WCBS NY Radio, Allison Spitzer of Spitzer Health Comments on Greenwich School Debate 6/14/1

Posted on June 16, 2016 Written by Allison Spitzer Leave a Comment

https://www.spitzerhealth.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/FED2F715-60A4-4F51-84F9-AA72EE173F04.mp3

Do teens really need to “sleep in?” Though the Greenwich , CT Public Schools think so, the issue should be much more than the daily school starting time.

What has wreaked havoc on our teenagers’  bodies and emotional well being creating stress, anxiety and depression is the overloading of extracurriculars, academic study, volunteer, fitness, and social demands placed on our kids by both parents and educators. Some want their numbers to look good (How many graduates went on to college? How many Ivies?) and parents who want their children to succeed beyond everyone’s comfort level.

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I say ENOUGH. Starting later is great but won’t have any effect unless we examine  the demands we make on teens to perform and produce like superstars.

In Fairfield County, CT, we’ve created the emotional and physical exhaustion high school students feel. If the evening’s pressures, and the endless texting and FB postings aren’t under control at midnight, it really doesn’t matter what time school starts in the morning. Everyone’s in trouble. We need to manage our  expectations of what we see as  reasonable for our children to accomplish and engage in. It may be less than we hope, less than what we believe they are capable of, or less than needed for the colleges families aspire to have their child attend.

images-2The good news, though, is our kids may be happier, have good memories of this time in their lives, and less conflict at home. They’ll also have to learn to self regulate their impulses, set better boundaries on what they take on and hence be better prepared for the independence of adulthood which lies just ahead. Just talk to the families of kids with serious emotional issues–stress, depression, anxiety, panic, self harm, or addiction. They’d give anything just to see their kid smile. The pressure just isn’t worth it. Sleep’s only a part of the picture.

Filed Under: ADD/ADHD, Adolescent Issues, Anxiety, Anxiety Treatment, Behavioral Problems, Coping Skills, Crying Spells, Depression, Depression Management, Depression Therapist, Exhaustion, Family Conflicts, Family Therapy, Frustration, Hopelessness, Kids & School, Life Skills, Moodiness, Motivation Problems, Parenting Problems, Relationship Problems, School Advocacy, Self Help, Stress, Stress Management, Teen Anxiety, Teen counseling, Teen Troubles, Therapeutic Coaching, Troubled Teens

Therapy, Not a Scavenger Hunt

Posted on April 30, 2013 Written by Allison Spitzer Leave a Comment

Ugly?  Stupid?  Broke?  Too Old?  ADHD?  Lazy?  Crazy?  Too (Fill in with one or more  familiar miserable thoughts about yourself).

We  believe that we’re  inadequate, missing SOMETHING…but what?  We buy in to what our family, friends, colleagues, classmates or the media would like us to think. “They’re right,” we mope. ” I’m just not good enough. We think,stopsign

“If only I were  (fill in the blank) or,

         if only I could (fill in the blank) or,

                   if it weren’t for my (fill in the blank)

                                 then I (= my life) would be okay!  Really?                                                     

This photo has it right. We are ALL good enough. That’s the starting place for creativity, transformation and re-invention in our daily life which, by nature has it’s ups and downs, challenges and joys. Sometimes (much of the time) life CAN be okay. It starts with each of us. We ARE enough. Each of us, AS WE ARE,  is the starting point.

Therapy isn’t about finding the missing links, broken pieces, different parents, better children, or winning personality lottery numbers. It starts with knowing how great we each, truly, are. The clues are right in front of and inside us. A good therapist helps us re-consider where and who we are today without the lens of our own negative judgements. A good coach steers a client away from the self doubt, guilt, or indecision he brings. Loving our inadequacies is a useless hobby.

It’s baseball season. So, batter up on your own behalf. Yelling foul doesn’t get you on first.

 

 

Filed Under: Depression, Failure, Frustration, Hopelessness, Low Self Esteem, Poor Self Image, Self Esteem, Teen Anxiety, Therapeutic Coaching, Therapy, Troubled Teens, Underachievement

Power Outage or Power Surge? The Emotional Side of Sandy

Posted on November 4, 2012 Written by Allison Spitzer Leave a Comment

If we didn’t experience real trauma, like the loss a loved one, a home, significant damage to property or other disaster from Hurricane Sandy, then without electricity we were basically just inconvenienced. For me, it lasted a full week, but the high winds didn’t stir up any emotional turbulence.

I had no heat, no lights, no phone, and no work or income. I did have hot water, plenty of food, clean clothes, a husband at home with me, and friends nearby. I had no control over the situation and there were no local predictions as to when things would straighten out.

Crankiness, boredom, arguing, or anxiety never set in here. (Power OUTage.) Adventure did. How can I use the grill creatively? The fondue pots? When was the last time we played Chinese Checkers? Listen to the wind howl! (Power SURGE.) The storm took care of the annual “fall cleanup” which costs time and money by simply blowing our leaves away. Thank you Sandy. (Power SURGE.) The trees which fell did NOT hit the house.

If you’re looking for an excuse to bully your kids or spouse, annoy your parents, pity yourself over inconsequentials, well, this would have given you that opportunity. (Power OUTage.)

Hopefully, it did the opposite. Instead, did you find something to enjoy together? (SURGE!) My cousin in New Hampshire did three sewing projects and is rounding up donations from up north to deliver to real hurricane victims. (Power SURGE.)

My father-in-law did virtually nothing to prepare for the event. He was lucky and unharmed. While we had plenty of lanterns and batteries, three weeks ago I’d suggested that we finally invest in a generator. Now I’ll act on it. I’m using this opportunity, grateful for having been passed over by much worse, to be even more responsible and ready for the next go round. Whether I donate my extra canned goods tomorrow or tuck them away for the next time, there’s still plenty I can give. The extra clothes will go tomorrow where they are needed. I have more than enough.

I can’t control the serendipity of the weather–but I know that contentment within, with my life and loved ones is always, at least to a degree, my choice. We’ve weathered the storm together–and gathered more stories and history. And for that, the lights, laundry machine, computer, hair dryer and phones which will all be at warp speed soon are far less important after all.

Filed Under: Family Conflicts, Parenthood, Relationship Problems, Stress, Teen Anxiety, Troubled Teens

When “Grandma” Was Your Life Coach and ADD Was Just “Ants in the Pants”

Posted on August 2, 2011 Written by Allison Spitzer Leave a Comment

My kid texts me, my husband IM’s me from 2 floors below, and my brother only speaks to me through e-mails. What is wrong with this picture? When my generation was defined by Dylan’s “Where Have All The Flowers Gone?” it strikes me that this moment is defined by “Where Has The HUMAN Interaction Gone?”

Before there were Life Coaches, ADD diagnoses and Alternative Therapists, there were Grandmas, neighbors and clergy. ADD meant we had (in Yiddish) “shpilkes,” and were “colorful.” It meant that my father wiggled his foot or tapped his fingers–and also skipped a few grades ahead in school. My “Life Coach” was my next door neighbor “Auntie Ann,” who came from a different culture, and taught me to open my eyes beyond my own world. I wrestled and argued the deep, existential questions with my Rabbi, and learned how to put on mascara from my real “Aunt Sarah,” my very own Mame a la Angela Lansbury. My babysitters, Bridie and Mrs. Crawley taught me about life from their worlds, disciplining and living lives so different from my parents. Addressing anxiety, stress, depression, and identity issues in Dylan’s days required dialogue and a commitment to ongoing relationships.

So today, outside of my work, I still like to connect. In person. I like to listen to the stories. Probe. Get to the heart of things. I need to know what it’s like for my niece, son, and my friends’ kids who live a few degrees of separation from the “up close and personal” I grew up with. And hopefully, I have a few “Life Skills” to share.

Grandpa calls his grandchildren every week on Sunday. He’s learned to e-mail, but chooses the phone. He doesn’t offer much in the way of therapy or coaching, but that dial tone serves as a closer link than all the advice you can probably Google. Anyway, if I really understood how to use the technology I actually own–from the I-Pad, the I-this, and the Apple that, I’d probably never have to come in contact with another human to communicate. Then I’d really be depressed.

While it’s a privilege to work counseling, developing strategies with troubled teens, or coaching unhappy adults, I welcome that cousin, soccer coach, uncle, or buddy who’s known them a lifetime (and may forever be in their lives) to get in there and play ball!

Filed Under: Depression, Relationship Problems, Troubled Teens

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